HOW TO REMAIN MARRIED!

i was surfing the net today and guess what i found...

a GUIDE on how to remain married! how enlightening...

like we really need to be taught how to STAY married. but after reading it, i thought it was stemmed from common knowledge and definitely common sense!

maybe there are those of you who would have more things to add, or have difference of opinion (although i'm not sure how!)...

enjoy!

1- Choose Your Battles

Pick your battles carefully. Prioritize what things irk you the most about your spouse. But do not concentrate too much on the little things because it will turn everything into a battle. Your partner then figures that they can't seem to do ANYTHING right, so why even try? It ends up frustrating for both parties. You can still win the war, without winning every battle that comes your way!

2- Arguments Happen

Arguments are bound to happen the longer you are together. Never argue in front of children or friends. If you must, relocate yourselves away from others and discuss any issues privately. When you argue, do NOT go to your parents for solace. The best advice I received was from my mother who said, "Never come to me when you fight with your spouse, I will always side with you and hold it against him even LONG after you've made up". Leave family members out of it!

3- Date Night

Plan a date night. If you have children, schedule a babysitter in advance for those dates so you can keep a consistent schedule. If you do not have children, you should still have date nights! Although you can schedule in-home "date nights", they should be used sparingly. Changes in scenery are great for keeping spontaneity in your relationship. Additionally, date nights do not need to be expensive. Pack a picnic and stroll to a local park to enjoy it, or drive the car to a secluded spot and stargaze together.

4- Have Separate Interests

Have separate interests and friends! Sure, your spouse can be your best friend, but you should both have outside interests that you can pursue on your own. It's always good to have your own sets of friends, too - they do not have to all be "couple" friends. This way, if you have to vent about your spouse (which DOES happen), you have someone to vent to and so does he!

5 -Appreciate Each Other

Never take your partner for granted. Always appreciate them even with the smallest thing, but do not do it so often that it is perceived as insincere. Face it, we all like it when people notice - even if it's just the carpet getting vacuumed! So, show appreciation when warranted.

6- Show You Care

Showing that you care does not have to be expensive nor should it be reserved only on designated holidays! If you see a daisy on the way home, take it to your wife, or have your spouses' favorite meal ready when they walk in the door from a tough day! Just tell them that you appreciate them - it can be as simple as that!

i seem to conveniently 'forget' to do some the things in the list above at some point or other... namely, #5 & #6!

i know, i know... don't make it a habit...

;p

shezl;nn

the undomestic bride.

trials & tribulations of life...

today was one of those days that just didn't make any sense!

why do we subject ourselves to conforming to what is acceptable to a society even though we know we are just putting up a facade so no one would think us odd?

out of place?

i wish i had the strength to be one of those people walking around in those 'demonic outfits' (my version of people who wear all black with hair all spooky & scary and black makeup to match!).

i know they're people like me too, but they have something i haven't got.

courage. (either that or they probably really are just fresh out of the looney bin!)

i saw a couple of them today (i'll refer to them as 'it' from now on) , walking around in the mall as i was going up the escalators heading to my favourite food joint in the city centre. (not so much that it was my 'favourite', but more because it was one of the cheapest places i can get my noodle soups that didn't taste like it came out of a can!)...

yep, so i was walking up when one of 'it' got on the escalators behind me...

i tried to remain calm & look cool, look composed.... even though my hand clutched my purse a little bit tighter, and i was willing myself to concentrate growing eyes at the back of my head!

all the while, looking around subtly, trying to catch a glimpse of what 'it' was doing behind me, on any shiny surface i can find!

yes, pathetic, i know.

but i was quite paranoid! i think it all started about 2 years ago when i was being followed in the mall parking lot... ooohhh, that is another story at another time. let's not revisit that, shall we?

so, trust God to play tricks with my mind.

of course, nothing happened. nothing usually does... most of the time!...

these people who seemingly look so different from us are just that, people.

ordinary people, at that! just with a different outlook in life...

or they really don't have enough money to pay for proper clothes! your guess is as good as anyone's!

of course, as i got off the escalators, 'it' didn't follow me... i turned to see that 'it' was actually walking the other way, towards a man who looks like a non-'it'... perplexed, now I detoured and pretended to go the wrong way... seemingly wanting to go the same direction that 'it' was going to... how odd... now I was walking behind 'it'...following 'it'!!

this time, i noticed that 'it' had looked back at me a couple of times, sensing that 'it' was being followed... taking a cue from the numerous amounts of movies i had watched in my life, i pretended to stop and look confused.

'it' noticed and walked back towards me... stopping just as 'it' reached a few feet in front of me, and asked (very politely, i might add), whether i was alright... 'it' said that i looked lost & out of place.

out of place?!! me?? that's new!

well, i played along & said that i was actually looking for an italian restaurant on that floor... 'it' looked amused, but said nothing... merely pointing me to an outlet just right next to me, which had BOLD letters spelling out 'LA ITALIANO'.... yes, you can imagine how embarrassed i was at that moment...

i quickly thanked 'it' and walked off, towards the direction of the restaurant while 'it' looked on... rejoining the non-'it' looking man once i had walked through the doors...

after taking a seat & ordering a meal that was the cheapest offered in the menu, i laughed.

more to myself than anything.

now, people looked at me as if I was the odd one!

How funny...

it turned out that 'it' was a perfectly well spoken, curteous person who just happens to dress queer...( but has intelligent eyes, mind you!)...

and who had thought or sensed that maybe I (as normal as i may seem to me) was the one following 'it'!

How quickly we, as human beings, judge one another based on what we see rather than what really is... i mean, today could have just be one of those days that, like casual fridays in one's office, is a weird monday!

yep, that's probably the case here. that just seems more acceptable...

that just seem to make more sense. and that is just easy to slot into, one of those tiny boxes of categories in my brain to store away...

ahh, my food finally arrived!

la pasta al aglio olio alla pleno non olio...

(plain spaghetti olive oil without the olive oil)...

now, why are the other patrons looking at me like i've grown a third eye?

;p

shezl;nn

the undomestic wife.

Inspirations of a post-wedding bride...

My inspirations...Thinking back to the day of my wedding,

i must say that i am happy it's finally over!

How does the saying go?....

everyone has their 15minutes of fame... and i guess mine came and went by so quickly i'd have missed it if i'd blinked!

wonderful idea for namecards..













It's been 10 months since my wedding, and finally i'm able to smile when i think back to the days leading up to that 1 particular day, albeit a very special day for any bride!

yep, in my heart of all hearts, i do miss that day... i wish i could relive it over and over again... just so i could wear my wedding dress all over again... *sigh*... and mind you, i am not one of those who reminisce on the past.

it's the simple details that matter..

but back to the point here, the days leading up to that one day proved to be a 'make it or break it' period for me & my other half... who's now known as my husband... ew.

all the planning, details, go sees & research flew out the window on THE DAY... nothing else really matters on that day apart from your partner, your make-up & dress, the food you'll be chowing down after weeks or months of starving yourselves for that day.... yes, that's the god forsaken truth!

which led me to wonder why i had wasted so much time on menial details that really didn't matter to me or anyone else for that matter, in the end!

pretty favours for any occasion.

Yes, there WILL be someone who will criticise

your dress, the venue, the food or favors, this is a very pretty table setting i would have wanted for a summer wedding...

or your make-up, but that's only natural...
we can't please EVERYONE! so why don't you just please yourself?! Do what you want to do, however you decide to do it!

a very pretty silhouette but maybe not with satin (too stiff)...

'Cos you know what i've learnt?... That people won't remember what you did special on your wedding day, nor will they care after a few days ( if you're lucky!)...

the different tones & textures of red are just simply stunning!

I know a few couples who are still paying off their wedding bills many months after their BIG DAY... (present company included)...

so i took it upon myself to write about what really IS important on your big day...

what an elegant arrangement!

without breaking out the little piglet that's been sitting pretty on the nightstand in your bedroom for many years, saved up for that rainy day...

but then again, to each their own...

i may not think that having a beautiful cake really matters but there will be those who insists on having the finest chocolates flown in from belgium just to decorate the icing on the cake!

my ultimate favourites for wedding cakes!

What i'm trying to say here is, think oh-so-carefully about what you really want on your wedding day and what you think would be memorable for you...

I was a bride on a budget, although i sure as hell didn't act like it or think like it!

i would have loved this hairstyle... very informal...

ahhh, perfection...

I've included images of things that had inspired me during my days leading-up-to for reference, maybe to those of you who might find it useful... enjoy!

everyone's favourite bombshell at her best!

;p

shezl;nn




the undomestic wife

the unattainable you...

i really dont follow...

why is everyone around me talking about wanting to get married?

i mean, granted that i dont have to worry about that anymore, after sadly ending my single days almost 10 months ago ( WHAT??!!! gee how time flies!), i really do not understand why one would ever voluntarily submit to it!! somehow i sound like a bitter old housewife who is stuck in a loveless marriage unable to do anything about it but cope!...

no, on the contrary, actually... i'm very much happy, with no ill feelings towards my husband and the notion of being monogamous... for the rest of my life......


but then again, i was never one to romanticise the idea of marriage...

knowing full well that it really isn't like the storybook fairytale that we always hope would happen to absolutely anyone & everyone (ourselves included!)... or maybe at least to those who deserve it (again, ourselves included! ;p)


has anyone ever realized that movies & cartoons so famously made known by walt disney, that were so innocently sweet, idolizing the idea of the 'happily ever after', has now ceased and in it's place, a relatively new concept of portraying the technicalities of real life and how to deal with a life less perfect, is popularized instead!


i mean, no more cinderellas... snow whites... sleeping beauties & swan lakes, well at least, not a direct translation of it anyways,


and in its place(?)


movies like madagascar ( episodes 1, 2 & beyond! ), the bee movie & wall-e (please excuse my lack of knowledge of current child flicks, being a childless individual that i am), most of these are movies which now uses animal-beings (i'm pretty sure i just made that word up) to play parts that represent us people... i mean, we did have winnie the pooh & humpty dumpty when i was younger, but there were far more cartoons that were of humans!

how funny things change within a few years... ( i'm pulling your leg here... it's maybe been about 23 years since winnie the pooh was a blockbuster hit at the cinemas where i used to watch it! )... oh, how i miss those innocent days...


yes, they are all breeding a new generation of 'thinkers' instead of 'feelers', as i put it... but i guess that is not such a bad thing!


which is why we are back at square one...

the urge to get married...

i do try to give my 2 cents' worth whenever people ask me whether they should jump in on the bandwagon that i am now in,

and most of the time it's not a pessimistic answer that comes out of my tiny, adorable mouth... there are those who are 19 but are far more mature than their age... and in my case, there are those that are past 30 but lack the knowledge and experience one usually has gained having lived that long! in this case, it's probably called naivety ( it sounds nicer anyways!)...



the trick is simple,

never take anything too seriously!

you can fight,
but dont bear thoughts of taking the easy way out and not working through your fights... although, i might be the kettle that is calling the pot black... (i'd rather be a kettle than a pot!)...

i cant recall having worked out all my problems with my husband... we just fight like cats and dogs (again, i'm the dog here) every so often then we usually end it by me laughing at him! simple really. then we just move on with our lives and figure out where to go for dinner! it's worked so far... let's pray that this trick works for a very very long time...

i know of some people as well as having friends that have married while hosting the 'marriage of the year' that's don't see their happily ever afters...
out of 6 there are at least 2 who don't last for more than 7 months... sad, really...
some of these people were just naive to begin with, but there are those who are absolute angels & sweethearts, who takes the bond of marriage very seriously,
who unfortunately do not make it either...

usually, it's not the life changing issues that trigger it, but the really trivial, silly arguments one has about whose parents' house we're having dinner at this week
and how much your spouse is socializing without you
that really becomes a factor on deciding on divorce!
i think it's because people are just too lazy to try to assess an argument as menial as that,
that it becomes dragged and unresolved... what else could one expect to happen after not speaking to your partner after a few weeks? we become complacent and just secretly happy that we finally have the freedom to be alone again after months or years of living as part of a 'we'... as the infamous saying in that funny movie i saw once (yes, i'm really bad with names, titles and faces), there is no 'i' in we...
how i miss being a 'me'... but i'm lucky the other half of my 'we' is who & how he is with me...
i have the permission to slip out of my position as the other half of 'we' and pretend to be a 'me' whenever i feel like it! (which is becoming less frequent than how it was about 6 months ago)...

yes, i am finally getting used to the idea of becoming a 'we'... and it's taken me this long... i'm sure there are many hurdles and potholes that i will have to jump over and crawl under before i finally accept that i am now married... but at this rate, i guess it's trucking along quite nicely... let me ramble more at a later date... i really do have to go & have dinner with the other half of my 'we'!

;p

shezl;nn...

the undomestic wife...